Dating Coaches - Friend or Fraud?

One of the most common questions I've had lately from people turning away from dating apps is this: There's so much conflicting information out there... who can I trust?

Honestly, I'd love if there were an easy, honest, answer to this one.

Spotting who NOT to trust may be easier. Anyone who promises a quick fix without ever having interacted with you, for a start.

This cuts out a reasonably-sized section of the dating coaches you'll see advertising on social media, whose idea of coaching involves the client paying hundreds of dollars to watch a series of pre-recorded videos, shot from the front seat of his car. Yes, you so-called Alpha, I'm talking about you.

There's nothing wrong with pre-recorded videos, but that's an online course. It's not coaching. Coaching isn't just didactic, it's relational. It involves hearing the needs of the client, not assuming them, or speaking broadly at the masses.

Of course, some coaches employ a mix of the two - video courses supplemented by group coaching cohorts, online or in person. This can work very well for some clients, while others respond better to a more intensive, personal approach.

Another type of dating coach to avoid is the coach who has a specific ideological agenda. If it seems like they're recruiting for their little club, you might like to ask yourself whether they're well placed to respect your individual needs and goals. A good coach should challenge and empower you, not shame you or pressure you to conform to ideals that don't feel fair, right or natural.

A good executive coach should be able to coach any CEO, regardless of which industry they're in. A good dating coach should be able to coach anyone who wants to be better at forming attachments, regardless of which gender they are, their sexual orientation, or relationship goals.

I offer my coaching services to those who are looking for love, but I don't call myself a dating coach. Rather, I approach all relationships (including romantic ones) as part of the social wellbeing whole. For some clients, romance might be the main focus, while for others, it's a minor concern, or not a concern at all. If you're looking for a coach to help you with dating, it's worth remembering that many qualified coaches might market their expertise under a different niche or title.

The best advice I can give to those seeking help in this area is to TAKE THINGS SLOWLY. Look for coaches who offer free 1:1 consultations or Q&A sessions before you sign up, so that you can ask questions to them directly. Don't be too shy to enquire about their qualifications - you are potentially hiring this person, so you're allowed to ask. ALWAYS read and understand the coaching agreement. If there is no coaching agreement, run!

Many coaches, including myself, sell their sessions in packages, since a client's progress is made and best measured over time. There's not much we can do for you in a single session, and I'd advise potential clients to be wary of any professional offering a quick or instant fix.

Lastly, remember that coaches are not matchmakers. Coaches exist to develop your skills and help you set and reach goals, not to coordinate meetings. If you engage a matchmaker, don't expect your matchmaker to double as a dating coach, unless they are well qualified to be one and offering that as part of their service.