Been there, done that.

"I'm so tired of wasting my time and money on events. I meet people, sure, but it's one nice-ish conversation after another and then I never see them again. How is an adult supposed to make connections, when meet-ups don't work?"

I've heard this a hundred times if I've heard it once. Someone signs up for a networking event, singles evening or one of those table-for-four coffee events, and the next month, they're signing up for a different one. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for trying different roads to connection. Some meet-ups or platonic matching services work well for a number of people.

So, what to do if you're not one of them? It might be a matter of patient persistence, or it might be time to turn your focus inwards.

Recall, if you will, the story of Picasso in Paris, doodling on a napkin, and the stranger who asked to buy it. The legend goes that Picasso asked for a million Francs, and the stranger was taken aback. When pressed that the price of the sketch was excessive (considering it had been scribbled out in a matter of minutes) Picasso apparently replied, "It took me a lifetime to be able to draw this."

What matters is how we turn up. Picasso turned up as an artist.

When you attend an event, who are you turning up as?

If your answer is "myself" then you're off to a great start. You've spent a lifetime figuring out how to be you, and there's nobody better qualified.

Craving connection and being ready to connect can be two different things. Relationships take work, right from the very beginning. We cannot turn up to an event expecting our new best friend to be brought to us on a silver platter, any more than we could expect a cheap Picasso.

Readiness to connect involves not just authenticity, but humility, confidence and a myriad of other social skills. Simply being good at small talk isn't enough. You need to turn up as the version of yourself who is ready to truly connect.

This is the reason that, while I'm all for events, I believe it's the work we do on ourselves before we get there that makes a difference. All the events and introductions in the world won't do you any good, unless you're prepared to make the most of them.

Consider the following statements, and rate yourself honestly. See if there's anything you might like to work on before your next event.

1. I believe I am deserving of other people's time and attention.

2. I believe that other people deserve my time and attention.

3. I'm open to meeting people who are very different to me.

4. I don't need to "win" a conversation to enjoy it.

5. I can be authentic and vulnerable without oversharing.

6. I feel confident speaking to someone, knowing I can't control the opinion they'll form of me.

7. I can think of three or more interesting questions to ask someone I've just met.

8. If I hit it off with someone, I feel confident asking to see them again.

9. I can accept rejection, knowing that we all experience it sometimes.

10. I understand that deep connection can be hard, and that's what makes it valuable.

11. I understand that connection can be as hard, or harder, for others to build as it is for me.

12. I know what kind of connection I'm looking for, but I'm open to other kinds, too.